george carlin quotes government
They own everything. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? And armbands. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. var ue_furl = "fls-na.amazon.com"; Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. What exactly is viewer discretion? Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. In this article, we present to you some of the famous George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion, Death, Voting, Freedom, Politics and More with their meaning. Stand-Up Comedy. } They own, and control the corporations. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. [CDATA[ George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.George Carlin, When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. 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(function() { Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. Ever. Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . The middle class pays all of the taxis, does all of the work. Laugh often, long and loud. Your dog thinks you're a god. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. - George Carlin quotes. But once youre born, youre on your own. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. return cookiePair[1]; But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Aparently we're not ready for that! That's the problem. }; My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. googletag.pubads().enableAsyncRendering(); Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. It will not be with jack-boots. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. He's the subject of a new documentary. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Save the planet? The planet is fine. The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. Authors. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. "Laugh often, long and loud. Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. The only country that could invade America is America! I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. It doesnt only represent the good things. I look at war a little. Like the boogie man. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Period. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. [CDATA[ Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. " Forget the politicians. Hope these quotes will give you a different perspective on government and how it works. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, 21. Your email address will not be published. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you. It creates a hostile work environment. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Pictures. George Carlin 'Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.' Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. apstag.init({ Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); return null; Forget the politicians. Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. George Carlin. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . "Forget the politicians. }); George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. In his 50-year career as one of Americas most poignant and provocative social critics, the irreverent actor, author and comedian left no sacred cow unsinged as he took to lobbing one grenade after the next into the comfort zones of American life. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? And I didnt really care in the first place.George Carlin, Dont confuse me with those who cling to hope. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The people are f***ed. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. Maybe this time itll work. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. People are wonderful one at a time. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin profile quotes. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. function q(c, r) { Then you live in an old age home. Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. })(); Press Enter / Return to begin your search. And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight LaughPlanet 900K subscribers Subscribe 42K 1.3M views 2 years ago #GeorgeCarlin #Comedy #America George Carlin Shitting on Government. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. We are in a country, and in a world that is run by people who brainwash , . Share your thoughts in the comments below! Born: May 12, 1937. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. if (isRetina) { Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, 59. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. You have no choice. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. They own everything. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. They own all the important land. q("f", arguments) googletag.pubads().setTargeting("author", [22782]); When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. "Men are from Earth,. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. var cookies = document.cookie.split('; '); Required fields are marked *. var googletag = googletag || {}; I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. // page settings The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. They own you. return false; And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? . Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. gads.async = true; We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); He loves you. googletag.pubads().enableSingleRequest(); They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. } A = p.createElement(s); Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. 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The challenge is to find it.George Carlin, I put a dollar in a change machine. Let me know in the comments below and please share this post. Theres a humorous side to every situation. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. [CDATA[ In America, anyone can become president. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. So arrogant. 4. A Death! if (window.ue && window.ue.tag) { window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out', ue.main_scope);window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out:mobileWeb', ue.main_scope); } It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. Yeah, I know, youre thinking. //